BRIAAN!!! (all one syllable)

I title this entry as such because you likely have immediately noticed the difference in writing style - that's right lady's and gentleman, boys and girls, little children, dogs and cats - Catherine has given your's truly the password to the blog and the first thing I hear once she reads this is going to, more than likely, be exactly that. Just read the line, sweetheart - BRIAAN!!!

So, as I said, I have been entrusted to task of bringing everyone up to speed since the last entry, which I believe was on the evening that our heroine made her triumphant return home from the port-implantation surgery. Since that time: chemo, feeling like crap, Cookie came to town, the elusiveness of Granger, Easter sunday, back to Cherry Blossomin', and feeling like crap all over again. Here's the details.

On Thursday, Catherine, Holley, Ma Pam and Tavia Henderson (Catherine's voice of guidance thus far), all went to Coliseum for the first round of chemotherapy. She was scheduled to receive her first dose of the nasty little booger they call "The Red Devil" triple cocktail (trust me, this ain't something you used to drink back in your college days). They call the three types of treatment within her chemotherapy the "Red Devil" because, as you likely have already pictured, this thing is a bitch! (Lord, I apologize). Well, I actually went to school this day, but had 1:00-2:30pm scheduled as my planning period, so I scooted my way on over to the dr.'s office just as soon as it hit 1:00pm and actually arrived just as the process was starting. Let me tell you folks, you would have been proud. Our girl was chin up, dressed to impress and just as fiesty as you might have expected. Leaving to head back to school was a definite downer for the both of us, but she took it right in stride and kept right on trucking.

With Mom and Holley there to keep Catherine occupied, she thought she was doing better than ok, until Molly showed up and that just lit up her day. So much in fact that, from what I have heard, as Catherine was coming out of the office back into the waiting area, she saw a young woman who looked as though she was fighting back the tears. Catherine eased towards her and asked politely, "Were you just diagnosed with breast cancer?" The woman managed a nod. And what I am told happened next is just the thing that makes me know more than ever that this struggle nor any other will ever hold our heroine down. She responded saying, "My name is Catherine Carswell and I was diagnosed on February 28th. I just finished my first treatment of chemo. I want you to know that you are going to be alright. God is gonna take care of you." I am not sure just how precise my recollection is, but let me assure you, this is prime cut, Grade A exemplorary of why Catherine is going to beat the brakes off this cancer (metaphorically speaking).

Julie, Tre and Emma Grace were in town and came out to the house Wednesday and Thursday nights. And nearer to midnight on Thursday, Scott and Catie Beth got here as well. I think we are gonna hire Catie Beth out to hospices and nursing homes cause that little girl's presence will most certainly lift your spirits in a heartbeat. She is walking everywhere, doing her Miss I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T thing, and talking up a storm. She tell you what she wants (or does not), when she is ready (or not), and just about every sound that any animal in the zoo or a box of Animal Crackers makes. You should see her go. That girl will be a genius - bet on it.

Friday and Saturday were basically days of recooperation; Catherine got a steriod shot on Friday to help her with overcoming the visciousness of the chemo. But hey, just think, only 3 more weeks until we get to do it all again! (insert Joe Pesci in "Home Alone" style muttled explitive here). Saturday suprised her (not really - she's got books that tell her everything before it actually happens) with the stiffness, soreness and flu-like symptoms typical of the day following a steroid shot. Oh joy, more fun! (addition muttled vulgarity optional).

To add to all this fun, but more for my perspective, Granger decided that the pen, which we put together for him last weekend, was simply far too meager accommodations for him to call home. So he chewed through the chain length fence. Allow me to repeat the verbage their for those with the untrained eye - Granger CHEWED through the chain length fence. How in the world do you even do that? I mean - honestly. So Scott and I spent almost all day Saturday and Sunday working on some new quarters for the master of mischief.

Sunday was Easter and we all went to church - Bubba (Mr. Lee), Gigi (Ms. Pam), Holley, Scott, Cookie (Catie Beth), CatCat (Catherine), Sarah MacConnell (YoungLife leader with Catherine and I and Catherine's voice of female reason) and B (that's me). It was a fanatastic service at the Bowman; Pastor Bob Moon shared the story following Catherine's chemo treatment from above and it nearly put me in tears. I tell ya, this girl nows how to get me. After service, we went to Giuseppi's - no way in Hades we were all getting into Jeanenne's.

Yesterday, Catherine went back to the Cherry Blossom house to get some work done with Ms. Connie, but I am really afraid that in the excitement to have her helper and partner in crime back on the scence, she may have worn ol' Catherine down. So Catherine came on home after lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon yesterday in the bed. This morning she arose with a bit of fever and, as a result, we spent the remainder in the day in the doctor's office. Her port did not seem to allow the nurses to draw blood as they should so we will be back at Coliseum tomorrow morning and try once again.

Sorry, I can not tell you all more, but this is the majority of what I know and I will have to leave the rest of the info up to our girl to fill you in later. It's bed time; narcolepsy is creeping up on me.

Check the Ta-Ta's (or let somebody do it for ya)!

Sincerely,
Brian

PS. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

Start Running

Sorry I have not written any thing in a while. I have been super busy and super tired. Monday I went to "Chemo Class" which was hell on earth. The teacher was an old friend's aunt and she was trying to make this easy as possible. I get angry when the nurses are like you should join a support group to get you through this but my next question is are there any in there my age. Of course the responds is oh no sorry. After class I had lunch with Kimberly and her mom and then YES we WENT TOOOOOOO..................SHHHHH ITS A WIG!!!! Oh my Lord that place is a trip! I kid you not you walk into this old shopping center on Mercer University and all these white and black Styrofoam head forms looking you down like buy me!!! Ms Gloria will help you in oh so many ways girlfriend. She said "sit right up here and let me pull some down for you to try on." Oh my Lord I tried on Blonde's, Reds (I find out that I looked like Jen Marshall!), even black with highlights. What an experience. She put the stalking cap on my head which was a huge step for me. I actually took the steps to see what I looked like with my bald head. I cried a bit its shocking, it really is. But i know this is how God wanted me to show my true beauty. I found wig and its my same hair color.

Sarah Baker Bennett one of Holley's girlfriends that she graduated with at Westside and also was ZTA (philanthorty was Susan G. Komen) cut my wig exactly like my hair now. We ended up cutting a few inches off so that way it will not be so dramatic coming out. I now have the Katie Holmes bob. She did it all out of love and support for me and family and cannot thank her enough!

Yesterday went to pick up Holley at the Airport on our way into Buckhead. Here are some funny stories of the night. Parking with dad is interesting we park at the top of the building away from everyone else even though we were only 1 hour to get sis ( we really didn't want any one messing with the car.) We walk 30 miles just to meet. Once we get her and back in the Van off up 400 we go. We passed the sign outside of the Airport that said "WELCOME TO GA, SONNY PURDUE GOVERNOR BLAH BLAH" with out a quick in her step mom goes "Where have we been?, I thought we never left GA!" Oh my you laugh it out . Then we were driving to find something to eat at 10 at night so we went to the Buckhead dinner thinking it was going to be an I-HOP or Waffle House. Not so much of the case. It was white table clothes, 7 star meals. Got back to the Hampton Inn ( cause only were my dad will stay) We were all unloading our bags when I made the comment---"I carry my bags dad" Mom so quick with jokes, says "BAGSDAD" get it? WOW this is what cancer does to you when you and your family has not sleep! I did not sleep at all that night way to nervous about getting my port.

Wednesday morning arrives and I am getting ready to go to the Northside Hospital, I decided that I would out smart the nurses and pre drug myself up and that way I can get there they get put the IV in and we will be smooth sailing! Holley numbs my veins in the inside of my elbows we cover them up and take my Valium and I think I am jamming!

Not so much the nurse prances in there and says will that was cute but sweaty I have to put the IV in your hand not arm because they might have to move your arm in order to get the port in right. Bloody Hell, just I as thought this was going to be nothing they try my right arm and nothing works, then they stick me again in the left and finally works after 3 more Valium, numbing cream, and sniffing salt we got in! Whew! I don't remember anything after that.

I woke in recovery nausea as hell. The funny part about the whole thing is that my recovery nurse made me a care package with cute small pillows that I have to use under my arms while sleeping, and (I don't remember this next part but my mom told me it was really funny) then she pulls out this big fluffy soft lion and I yelled "Sir Fidel", Sir Fidel is here" and my mom said no honey its courage the cancer lion and said no that ADPi he is Sir Fidel. that poor nurse...even when I am unconscious I still have them on my heart! Thank you to the Chapter at Southern for praying for me in these difficult times! would to come down and meet the ones I don't know!

Tomorrow is a really scary day. I start Chemo at 11:20. Its a 4 drip and can not tell you the emotions me and my whole family are going there. My mom and my sister are going with me while Scott and Catie Beth will drive down tomorrow night so that way we can spend Easter together.

Well here we go. Its officially starting tomorrow. No looking back, but running forward. My life has now changed forever. Please be with me and my whole family.

Check the Ta Ta's

Cancer Shower

I truly have amazing friends. Having cancer shows you who some of your real friends are. Like in high school it is so easy for everyone to show up to events because everyone is home and around. In college people start to thin out and people can't just drop everything to get together.

Last night some of my old but best friends threw me a "cancer shower" and I loved it! We started out with dinner at the Players Club it was great seeing all the friends that came home for me. My girlfriends made the breast cancer ribbons that we all wore and catching up was the best part. 2 are married now, one living in Athens and the other in Macon. Another is busy trying to get in to Graduate School, One is busy trying to survive the real retail world of Atlanta, One starting Nursing School, with another graduating from Nursing School and Finally 2 finishing up from that awful school of UGA! ha just kidding one good thing from UGA is great friends ;).

I told some funny doctors stories and filled them in on whats going on and a time of everything and my future plans. After dinner we went back to a house for pink Cosmo and gifts which was my favorite part. I got great P.J.'s along with the best thoughtful gifts! The love in that last night was so powerful and just so much I can't describe in words how much it makes me smile to remember last night. So a big thank you to all my girls last night!

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Tater

Nothing new today, just ran more errands today with my parents trying to get ready for next week's surgery for my port. My sister has made plans to fly in Atlanta to meet me the night before surgery. I am having my port put in on Wednesday of next week at 8:00 am. Chemo will start that next day with a 4 hour drip.

Funny story of the day: I thought I had talked my parents of getting a puppy or an older dog. I told them of how hard it is for at night cause that is when my mind just runs with thoughts and can't sleep. I tried sleeping my Samford J (my Boston terrier) but he hates sleeping with people and he does not like change so he was out of comforting my at night. My mom suggested of me having Granger (Me and Brian's Vizsla) but I thought early in the day that taking Granger away from Brian would not be good for him and that Brian would miss him to much. So mom and I go on a dog hunt this afternoon. We started with our Vet's office and they found a lady that would give me a Cockapoo for free but they are six months old and I would have to train him. After that we went to Pets Unlimited to what they had. Of course they would have one of my all time favorite dogs. Sitting so lazy like in the chairs were 2 BOXERS!!! I flip, mom flip because she grew up with boxers and she even said one of them looks like "Tuffy". One Boxer was all white (which is what I wanted) but the problem with her was she was deaf. The other one was perfectly mark, house and create train and ready to go. The weird about it they were the owners dogs. I pulled the cancer card and she felt so bad she offered to flat out give me one of her boxers! We were floored, before I could say "oh no ma' I can take one of your personal animals", she was one her phone with her husband asking "out of appy or tater which one can I give up?" I was thinking Oh Lord! She said I could pick, I told I would could Tater the brown one cause I am broke and deaf and I just can't have my dog broken too!

Mom told her lets us think about and we would get back in touch with her. We came home and when Brian came over after school and told him he flip. All he was thinking was after you have cancer we will have 2 BIG DOGS to take care and we are just doing OK with the one we got!

All-in-all Granger is here tonight. Dad brought a kennel for him to stay in during the day. There will be no new dog.

Tomorrow I start Cherry Blossom again and I am excited to get back in to the groove of things. Can't wait for this weekend!

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Bye girls :(

Hope you guys are in for a laugh cause its been a day. First, I saw my Oncologist in Macon, Dr. Cheryl Jones at 9 followed by Brian and I having a fertility appointment (more on that) then getting some bad news at 4.

So here's the day. At Doctor's Jones's office see a very important person to help get through this. She is an old friend's mother who I see myself being like. She is a very strong, powerful, and nothing gets in her way. She fought the battle 4 years ago. It was a relief today seeing her breeze through there like it was Kroger or something. I was called back we all talk about my treatment at I mention early, I start Chemo on March 19 at 11:20. To be honest I am scared to death. its going to be a long year.

Many of you wanted to know my results of the genetic test of BRAC 1 or BRAC 2. Well the lab in Neveda has the test and called last night and left this message like they had the results and for me to call back. Mom is panicing wanting me to call the place at 7 our time this morning, I trying to tell her they are Mountain time and its only 4 in the morning there time I highly dout there is someone there waiting on my phone call! What do you think I did???? I called to make her happy.......I called 12 more times, left 3 messages all before my first appointment this morning. Needless to say all the needed was the actually OK to run the test. Which now I will not know anything for 3 more whole weeks!

After leaving that Dr. Jones, we meet Brian at my house to meet up to head to Atlanta to see the infamous Fertilitly Doctors. Brian being so nervous managed to lock his keys in the Jeep and therefor can not get them out. After stressing and freaking out we decided to take my mom's car.

We get to Crawford Long Emory Hospital which looks like the Ritz Carlton's of hospitals. 18th floor we go Mom, Brian, and myself. Walking in to the waiting room Brian and I both knew this was going to be weird. I signed in and sat down watching these poor women wanting, trying so hard to get pregant and I am there with my boyfriend and mother feeling so out of place. I have to fill out paperwork with the nurse and she kept asking me question about my "husband" when I said "oh I don't have one" I kinda got that look of "why are you here?" So then I had to tell my story and that I was sent to see the doctor because of my age what all where my options of trying to save my eggs blah blah blah. Let me tell you filling out that paperwork can tell all kinds of info about your "partner" as they called him! (Nothing bad was there!)

The Doctor came in and said oh you just need to have inferto. We were like slow down no diamonds, no house, one income, and one dog. We are no where near babies. They told of how the process goes. In terms for everyone to understand, its like this. Brian would give me a shot (everyone should stop reading a know that is not going to happen!) every 3 days for the next 3 weeks and then they would collect my eggs, his sperms and BAM make a baby and freeze our 50 or children in rent freezer for $300 a year until we decide to have on 3 children. Our hearts are not in the mind set of loosing 48 children. All in All the process from start to finish would be around $10,000 which is way to expense just to birth a baby. We won't have money to cloth it, feed it, God forbid something breaks on it and we need a doctor! We will try to have children on our own, if that does not work then we will adopt.

For there we head up to my Dr. in Buckhead. She drops the ball on me. My Breast MRI was not good. It shows that my cancer has literally ate my whole left breast and after 6 months of treatment both girls will come off. I will have reconstruction done that day. Dr. Amerson told not to think of cancer but that I am simply getting an amazing boob job with a tummy tuck. Which I am happy about. I can take that.

I am just sick to my stomach to think this is really happening to me. I will really be getting a boob job, wow.

Check the Ta Ta's

The Real Package

Oh I totally forgot about the package. Today when I finally got home I had an UPS box on my back porch. I had receive an amazing gift from a girl at Mercer that very little of sent me a great box of goodies. I got the sweetest card with a cross, color book with these Hello Kitty crayons, a Shane and Shane CD and some other small things. It is special to me because she is from Macon but we went to different school and she dated Brian's roommate for a short period time. Its people like her who I see Jesus in a humanly from.

Thank you Megan Delrosa for making me smile tonight!

Remember check those Ta Ta's

"Package"

Today was an early 4:ooam travel time to Atl to be at a Breast MRI appointment which was at 6:30 am. I am telling you this Breast Cancer Specialist of Atlanta were I go means serious businesses when it comes to women's breast they start before even the rooster crows. But anyway I thought I was going to get a simple "push you in the tunnel, sleep for awhile, no fear, MRI" OHHHH I WAS WRONG MY DEAR FRIENDS!!!! As many of you know of my DEATHLY fear of needles came to be with me this early morning. The doctors tricked me into thinking this was no big deal. Well lets see this how it went: I get called back into the MRI "prep" room where I swore I heard the theme song to JAWS all in its glory the IV pole. I asked very quickly of "excuse do you mean to tell me this involves an IV or needles" the nurse who did not want to be there that early either ever so quickly replied "yes dear anything that has to do with cancer involves an IV". I really wanted to tell her well excuse me I am only 21 and it has not been my everyday study of how women are treated with BREAST CANCER!!!! I then said well you will need to give me a few minutes while I take my Valium and place my numbing cream on my hand. Oh she was not having this. She told me to take my pill and "empty my bladder" but we need to start this processes because she just could not get behind. So I told her well you come at me with a needle and I am going to through the biggest fit like 2 year who lost there lollipop.

In case you were wondering I threw the fit but she got the IV in there. (I am very bruised on my arm). Another problem from the MRI was I am deaf in my left ear. They had to put ear plugs in my ears because of how loud the machine gets with earphones barely playing a radio station with the sometime the nurse comes on to tell if I am OK. The only problem I CAN"T HEAR IT! at this point we were not liking each other. I finally yelled uh, deaf women have cancer too you know! Then I was pushed into the machine like a dead person going into the filing cabinet.

45 minutes into they put in the contrast which helps the doctors see were all the cancer is in my breast. That stuff knocks you out and no one told me. After it was over they pulled me off the table and past out for 8 hours until it wore off. It was so bad my parents drove me to Lenox, parked the car, and asked me if i wanting to go shopping, as my mom puts it I said "not to today". That is why I was so mad.

After passing out in the car I had one more appointment for the day at Winship Cancer Center at Emory University. My doctors gave me a plan of chemo. I will have 8 treatments total over a 16 weeks period. I will have 4 treatments of the "AC" drug and then 4 treatments of the "red devil drug" followed by a lumpectomy in June or July followed by 6 weeks of radiation, and take taxficon a pill for 5 years. whew! hopefully by then I will be done with everything.

Tomorrow I will see 2 doctors. Dr. Jones in Macon to see what days I will have chemo. And then off to Atlanta because Brian and I have to Reproductive Oncologist about our future babies because its the law. Its crazy to think that we have to plan something like this before we are even married. I wish God had a Bible for that one!

I will keep everyone posted!

Remember pass this along to people you know who have heard of my case and also check those Ta Ta's!!!

P.S. I get my port Wednesday March 19, 2008 at 8:00 am at Northside Women's Hospital in Atl.

My New Hair

Today I pick up my "new hair" that was an interesting event. The place where I got it from was really odd to begin with. The owner smoked in the shop which does not make sense to me because mainly her clients are people dealing with cancer and that would be good for people with lung cancer, but anyways she was just really weird but helpful. She always has her 17 year old daughter best friends 1 year old (basically she babysit) running around destroying her shop. She offered to cut and style my hair I very nicely declined her offer and will be heading to my hair stylist on Wednesday!

Remember check you Ta Ta's!

The Info

Many people can't believe it, but it is true I am a 21 year old with Breast Cancer. I found a lump when about a year ago and the doctor thought nothing of it. So a year went by and nothing was done but my cancer was growing. At first it was the size of a Cheetos ball and a year later doctors are calling it my "pickle" (now I can never eat one again!) its 2cm long and about and inch thick. It has advanced to my lymph nodes, which I am scared about!

I will keep everyone posted mainly by this page so please enjoy. Comments make my day better!

Remember check the Ta Ta's NOT KIDDING!!!