First off, sorry for being MIA these past 2 months. To be honest, I have not felt well lately. May was really difficult because I had 2 chemo's in the same month. I was basically out of it and now, in June, its hitting me that its summer and I can't do my normal activities I do this time of year. Summer is one of my favorite times of year. I loved being on the lake, in the sun, getting a tan, and enjoying being outside. Unfortunately, that can happen right now.
The physical part of this is really getting to me now. I look at myself in the mirror and see someone different than what I saw last summer. I AM HUGE. I know, I know, the weight will come off when I have my surgery, but I am tired of people telling me that I look great. I can't fit into any of my clothes anymore and this is the largest I have ever been. It is because of all the chemo and medicine I am taking. My doctor did tell me that I will gain weight each time I go. I have talked to other Breast Cancer Survivors and they tell me they gained weight too. People don't realize what I see everyday. I wake up with no hair, the moon round face, and I kid Brian saying I am like the old Reebok's pump tennis shoes. Every time I go, they pump me up more!
Some good news; I have my 5th chemo treatment tomorrow, which means after this one, I only have one more to go! That will be a huge party come July 4th!
This week, I received a call from Memorial Sloan-Kettering in New York City and I, along with my family, will be making a trip to the Big Apple soon. I am meeting a GYN-Oncologist . My doctors want to take my ovaries during my surgery on August 5th. I think this is another reason I have been so sick lately - just worrying about all this. I told my mom and Brian the other night they can always replace your breast, but once the ovaries go... its no babies for me. I am 22 now and the thought of not having biological children is a really tough thought for me. Hopefully this doctor can and will give me some different options.
I know this trip will be stressful just because it is expensive and hard for my parents (my dad is already flipping out!) In my opinion, the only people that truly need to go would be Brian and me because this is OUR future here and I am scared he can't afford an airline ticket because of the gas prices and plane tickets are so high! Even hotels up there are ridiculous! Holley and I have been looking at hotels all day and nothing under $300! If anyone has any advice, please let me know! Because of this stress, I have made myself really sick this week. I had a runny nose, sneezing, coughing, and I vomited once. I even had a panic attack on Sunday.
I have tried to plan some wedding things, but I really have not been up to it. I can't wait for all this to be over!
We are still selling T-shirts. Please e-mail me your address because I have had people to request one and no way of getting in touch with you guys! They are still $15 if you can pick them up, but if I need to mail it, please add $3 dollars for shipping (I shipped some last week and it was $20!).
Thanks again to all the people that have asked about me - I really do appreciate the prayers and concerns! Again, sorry for being MIA! I hope that this entry is a little easier to read and follow, I asked Brian to check it for grammatical/spelling errors (this is Brian typing from this point forward - Cate-Lee would never admit that she got me to do this, so it'll be our little secret).
And if you might be saying a little prayer, here are a few more broad range thoughts for you - our Macon community and those still dealing with the Mother's Day storms, our troops, the upcoming election and the future of our country. We've got plenty of things to be praying for, but there are always more things for which to be thankful. We hope this finds you and yours happy, safe and enjoying your summer.
Don't forget about those Ta-Ta's; check 'em early and often.
